there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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