God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
