Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
