if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
