we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
