Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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