stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
