i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize