you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
