We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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