drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize