I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
