I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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