My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
