Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I want a musical about memes.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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