i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
