Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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