i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
