You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
