dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My vagina is officially offended.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
