Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
