You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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