there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
