So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
