If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
