We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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