all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
