you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Four minutes until I can fart!
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
MIDGETS
????
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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