so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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