had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
