"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
