I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Plan B is the new Plan A
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
