oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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