dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
you inspire me to be a worse person
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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