Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
