There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
