My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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