I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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