Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize