my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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