I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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