my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
