I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
