Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
