hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
