You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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