I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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