even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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