rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Randomize
