If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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