I'm gonna have a badass scar
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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