Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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