Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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