So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
