i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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