I CAN MOONWALK!
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My vagina is officially offended.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
My bed smells like the plague
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
