I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
