i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
