I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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