you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Houston, we have a blender
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
