Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
