You can't special order awesome
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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