As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
