girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
