Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
