Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
