you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
