I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize