I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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