Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
