why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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